the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
