I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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