i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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