Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
