Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dear god my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
