I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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