And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
