i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize