i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
