Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
