too bad you live with your parents still
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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