Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
