I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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