i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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