We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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