I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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