I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
