I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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