break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
