new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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