I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize