Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
