I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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