508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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