i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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