Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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