if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
