i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
