so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
