WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
