I cockslap morals
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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