He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
