I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize