Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
