im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's paper in my vomit.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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