You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
