nut hugger
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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