Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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