I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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