it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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