Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
