just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize