I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
