i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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