I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
