Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
