When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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