so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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