Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
