somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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