I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
