I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
