yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
