Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i out mim tonsoeep
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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