bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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