K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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