Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
