Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
