If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
