wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
