i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
