So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
