i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
