just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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