Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so let's talk penis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
