Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
