I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
