need another drink. this is the easiest way
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
