I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
