New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
