I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
