I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize