you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
