uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
