I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize